King Kong vs. Godzilla

No blog tonight, but here are some highlights from the live tweet of King Kong VS. Godzilla.

I'm hoping that King Kong vs. #Godzilla is a gritty drama about two aging monsters getting back in the saddle for one last ride.

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

You know, with sort of an Unforgiven, No Country for Old Kaiju sort of vibe. #Godzilla

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

Wait, there's a monster island that grows Roma tomatoes that gets you high? I am so into this film already. #Godzilla

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

So, if these tomatoes or berries give you a euphoric high, is there also a mutant carrot that mimics the effects of PCP? #Godzilla

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

Dude, the good guys just gave a cigarette to a kid. I'd be offended if the kid wasn't already hopped up on euphoric berries and PCP carrots.

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

King Kong just got face-hugged by a squid like it was straight out of Alien! That just pushed so many of my nerd buttons. #Godzilla

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

Uh-oh, Kong is hitting the euphoric berry juice awful hard. I'm pretty sure a drunk dial to his ex is imminent. #Godzilla

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

And now the tribal villagers are doing the traditional "take away Kong's car keys" ritual dance. #Godzilla

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

We're getting to the final battle. I hope it ends with Kong admitting he's got a euphoric berry problem and #Godzilla becomes his sponser.

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

Kong has a pretty girl in his hand and is climbing, like, a five-story building instead of a skyscraper. The drink has really taken its toll

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

Watching King Kong perform in this movie, I now know what it was like to watch fat Elvis perform live in Vegas. #Godzilla

— Jeremy Wickett (@The_Wick78) April 16, 2014

Titanfall (First Impressions)

Tonight, I piloted a big-ass robot in a video game. Said big-ass robot shot and punched other big-ass robots, who shot and punched my big-ass robot in return. (Also, I shot, stomped, and punched fellow human combatants who were not lucky enough to be piloting a big-ass robot like me... but that doesn't sound as cool or classy, does it?)

Our side had lost the battle, but a drop ship was coming down from orbit to collect the survivors, giving the losing side one last little victory to eke out. My robot charged to the evac site that was on top of a building on the other side of the map... only to find two enemy robots waiting there for me and my fellow survivors.

After a frantic firefight, another robot and myself took down the enemy robots -- but my big-ass robot was catastrophically damaged and about to become a big-ass explosion in a few short seconds. I quickly ejected from the robot like a pilot from a jet fighter. I shot straight up dozens of feet in the air.  At the height of my upward arc, I noticed the drop ship waiting below me. I timed my fall just right and using my jet pack (I mentioned there were jet packs, right?), I angled myself directly into the side door of the drop ship just before it took off into the sky and warped directly into orbit.

This experience is a thing that happened to me tonight in a video game.

The video game is called Titanfall.

You should buy Titanfall.

End of line.