Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II (Game Complete -- Part One)

Jesus, I don't know where to begin with this one. Guess we'll start with some dirty jokes about playing The Force Unleashed II last night:

THE FORCE UNLEASHED II: Oh, oh... here come's the end boss fight!

ME: Already?

THE FORCE UNLEASHED II (embarrassed): Uh, is that OK?

ME: We just got started...

THE FORCE UNLEASHED II: Yeah, but you've been playing me awful hard.

ME: It hasn't even been five hours yet.

THE FORCE UNLEASHED II: Well, I'm not going to last much longer. Maybe we could take a break? You know, watch a Star Wars movie? Keep you in the mood...

ME: Oh, just finish...

THE FORCE UNLEASHED II: Oh... OK... OK... and... you... WIN!!! ACHIEVEMENTS! END CREDITS! Wait... where are you going?

ME: To the bathroom.


ME : To satisfy my own gaming needs.

THE FORCE UNLEASHED II: Oh, OK... Wait -- is that a PSP in your hand?

ME: Is that a problem?

THE FORCE UNLEASHED II: Well, it's just... you know... I thought I was enough for you.

ME: I got to go.

THE FORCE UNLEASHED II: Wait, can I watch!

* * * *

The Force Unleashed II is inexcusably short. I don't like it, but I'm beginning to accept five-hour campaigns in action games... if they have multiplayer, which Unleashed II does not. This game barely justifies the price of a rental.

Seriously, LucasArts, you had two years to make this sequel. This is all you could come up with? Even worse: the game's obviously padded to get to five hours. It's over before you know it, and it's going to leave you unsatisfied.

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